Hopes and dreams, lost into oblivion...

Hi! I’m back. Uh, yeah. *waves awkwardly*

So, there’s something I’ll tell you about me that I’ve never mentioned to anyone before.

I’M A SPACE NERD. 

I am actually one of those kids who've always dreamed of getting into an EVA suit, riding a spacecraft, and floating in zero-gravity space. But there's something  getting in the way, sadly.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET INTO NASA.

Getting into NASA would be a lot of hard work and intellect. Damn, that last part is hard. Getting into NASA, well, you have to be on top, like able-to-reach-the-highest-part-of-the-universe top (see what I did there?). Unfortunately, I'm only able to achieve the 6th rank in our school. Question is, will that rank take me to space? Huh, I think not. Top students here in my country may not be very competent compared to other nationalities. Okay, I may be the most pessimistic person on Earth right now but that's the key to "NO FAILED EXPECTATIONS".

So much for that intro (yes, that was just an intro), let's get to the core of this story.

Last March 31, minutes after midnight, a power outage happened and since it's summer here in my country, our house became a "hell on earth". (Too hot, hot damn) So I went out, took a chair, sat on it, had myself some dose of fresh air, and looked up the starry night sky.

The feeling, damn, the feeling.

        The sky was so beautiful. It looked like a vast black canvas painted with white dots, others sparkling, others not. And somewhere in the canvas’ vastness is a large circle, which is the moon, my friend.

        When I was still a child (up to now), I’ve always loved to look at the night sky. I even talk to the moon. The moon is my close friend (or at least that's what I think). Oftentimes, I tell him about how my day was or how beautifully radiant he is and all he does in reply is giving me a wink; and after that, I go back inside the house, go to bed peacefully, dream about celestial bodies, and wake up with the raging want to go to space.

        Okay, let’s go back to March 31.

I continued staring at the stars, the sky, and the moon for what felt like forever (but really, tho, it was just minutes). I looked at the moon and thought of how ecstatic Neil Armstrong must have been the moment he landed his first step on the moon. I looked at the moon and think of how near it seems to me when, in reality, it will take me a long time to reach it. I looked at the stars and think of what the looks on the astronauts’ faces are when they pass by them. (Can astronauts see the stars when they travel in space? My gosh I really should learn my science.)

For a moment there, I thought of changing my strand for Senior High School from ABM to STEM, leave behind my dream of being a lawyer, and be an engineer instead. That will take me to space, I thought. For a long time, I fantasized of the thought of me going to space. More minutes passed and my neck started to hurt. So I stopped looking up the sky, started looking around the reality that’s surrounding me, and stepped away from my illusions. Just when I stood up from the chair, the power got back. The lights lighted up again. And I was then flooded by the thought that “the moment I stepped away from my illusions, the lights went back”. (Hence, my facebook post.) Because the moment I stopped looking at the skies, the lights went back. And that's enough sign for me to understand that reality is much bigger than my childhood dreams.

After that night, I thought, sadly, of how I can never be an astronaut, of how I could never go to space. Maybe someday my blood will reach the outermost part of the universe but, unfortunately, it won’t be me who’d be the vessel, it would be that lucky bastard that came from my bloodline who'd reach my dreams for me.